Ballad of 69

The Ballad of 69

See me, I’m a number, and I think my life is fine,

I started off a fraction, now I’m up to Sixty Nine,

I sometimes look upon my past, and often think of when,

I first discovered decimals, the day that I turned Ten.

I must admit, at Three and Five, it made me feel so odd,

But evened out when I turned Six, though Eighteen was a sod,

And when I first turned Sixteen, I found it quite a hoot,

Discovering when I was Four, I was my own square root.

And though I’m getting bigger, as year on year goes by,

I think of what it would be like, to be the same as Pi,

They say that life’s a circle, I think it can’t be fun,

If all your life, remains the same, at Three point One Four One.

You sometimes think, you don’t need maths, Oh come on, let’s be fair,

You couldn’t give the finger with your whole hand in the air,

You need to learn to count and add, it needn’t take you ages,

To take your pay, divide by hours, and find it’s rubbish wages.

We give each other nicknames, for example take my cousin,

His given titles only Six, we call him Half-a-Dozen,

At One Four One my Grandpa, the one that’s aged the most,

He still goes chasing Seventeen girls, we call him Grandpa Gross.

I know of these Two Zeros, they’re preceded by a one,

They’re heavy on the scale of things, we’re calling them a ton,

And take my brother Eighteen, we call him Double Nine,

But with his mates, he’s Treble Six, and that suits him just fine.

Now Three Four Three, is arrogant, he’s often really rude,

He thinks he’s so much classier, because he’s Seven cubed,

But boy have I got news for him, I’ve multiplied his mum,

And all the boys from algebra thinks she’s the Number One.

Now please don’t think I’m bitching, or just want financial gain,

But when I reached my second year, I didn’t share the fame,

I helped to solve lifes mysteries, but no-one seems to care,

I was that Two, that Einstein used, when E was MC square.

I’m moving house tomorrow, it won’t wait any later,

I’ve been promoted to a job, inside a calculator,

The moral of my story, is get up off your bums,

Stick in at school and learn the rules, and memorise your sums.